An Article in Connector Magazine which resonated with a lot of people...
Do my thoughts affect my health and wellbeing? If so, how can I start to change them?
Part of the successful self management of daily life is having the necessary skills to deal with stress. However, of crucial importance is also the kinds of thoughts that we tell ourselves about certain stress provoking situations. Generally we say that your thoughts create your moods, so essentially we should be choosing positive and realistic thoughts in order to create a positive mood. Indeed, it follows that our mood can also affect the way we respond to certain situations, in terms of both our behaviour and the way our body physically reacts also. For example, in the case of anxiety, if we have regularly worrying or catastrophic thoughts, we may end up in an irritable or panicky mood- sometimes without even quite knowing why! This reaction starts a cascade of reactions back and forth between the brain and the body such that we may start to avoid situations where we feel anxious or alternatively we may try to do things perfectly to control events or prevent 'danger'. This is mentally taxing and can continue to escalate because our brain sends further messages to our body that it has to confront or flee from these situations physically- so our body prepares itself by producing a lot of muscle tension, a racing heart, butterflies in our stomach, sweaty palms, shaking hands, and so on.
A similar process occurs with anger. If we perceive others to be threatening or hurtful to us, or if we feel that certain 'rules' have been violated, we end up angry or enraged. Once again, we tend to attack and argue, or we withdraw from the situation in order to punish the person, or protect ourself. Subsequently, our body becomes tense, our blood pressure increases and our heart rate spikes dramatically. Obviously these physical reactions are part of evolution- they are there to help us- but if we are regularly angry, anxious or depressed, it creates a whole lot of unnecessary psychological tension, and our overall health and immune system suffers.
Given that the aforementioned factors are interrelated, it is difficult to know how to feel better when our minds are full of confusion or unrealistic thoughts, when our mood is far from bright and chirpy, when our behaviours spur on further problems for ourselves or others, and when our physical sense of self is in ruins. If you have low self esteem or are prone to being unassertive, pessimistic, or if you are being mentally ill-treated by a partner, boss or co-worker, or have had significant changes or difficulties in your life circumstances, you may feel like a ticking time bomb.
For example, see if you identify with any of the following: A) Are you uncomfortable expressing your needs and feelings? B) Do you see life as a 'glass half empty?' C) Do you avoid confrontation so you don't have to worry about being hurt or rejected; D) Do you feel guilty when you say "No" or when you do something kind for yourself; E) Do you spend your time putting others' needs first; F) Do you alter your opinions or statements so that they won't be judged as silly or incorrect by others; G) Do you feel that you would not be able to function on your own without your partner- even if things are always going badly? If any of these ring true to you, perhaps you need a cognitive shake up. Remember, your thoughts help to change your mood and all subsequent reactions, so you need to start believing that you have the power to control your thoughts- and you will already have a head start.
Healthwise, your body will also benefit as it won't be undergoing the physical ramifications of the fight or flight reaction. This means lower blood pressure, lowered resting heart rate, calmer breathing, less stress hormones racing around your body, and you'll have more energy, better sleep, and feel more in control of the daily grind…or should I say, the exciting challenges that confront us every day!
Here are a few ways to help change your mindset:
Constantly challenge your negative thoughts. Is what you are telling yourself really true? Back it up by looking at the 'evidence' to support your thoughts. This is the basis of cognitive behavioural therapy. Are you really a worthless or incapable or stupid or [fill in the gap] person all the time... or, do you think that if you stretched your mind back, you could remember a time when you weren't so worthless etc. Perhaps you have done something that made you really beam inside? Remind yourself of those more rational thoughts and of the evidence- write them down if you have to, and pull them out when you are feeling you are drifting into the grey cloud zone. In addition, you need to practice stretching your mind past the 'comfortable feeling' of worry and self doubt. So start doing the opposite of what you would normally do: confront your fears when you are scared (within reason!)- ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen to you?; extend the life of your 'angry' wick when you are heading for an altercation; and when you feel down- try and get out and about, even for a few minutes. You don't want to miss out on life because of a disabling mindset.
It wouldn't harm you to brush up on your assertiveness skills or techniques of improving your self esteem- there are some wonderful resources out there which can help you. Often people rely on sources of external gratification such as compliments from people, to make them feel good about themselves- but this is essentially telling yourself that 'what I think about myself doesn't matter as much as what others think about me'. The same thing happens when we stuff ourselves to bursting point with food (the body is the subconscious mind!), drink alcohol, spend up large on our credit cards, or when we avoid healthy behaviors such as exercise. We are saying 'you don't deserve to be healthy or happy', and we end up feeling resentful, guilty and hurt, which leads into a cycle of further self punishment. And meanwhile the tendency for external fulfillment gets greater and greater. Can you imagine a lifetime of this thinking? It is erratic because the reinforcement is so unpredictable. We don't want to pass this on to our children. Start approving of yourself and learning to nurture yourself. By teaching yourself that your own needs and thoughts …and YOU….are valuable and worthwhile, you will be more in control and you will slowly gain more confidence. It's like riding a bike- it may take a little bit of practice each day, but the results will be long lasting.
Don't forget to take care of your general stress management routine as well. Some things sneak in the back door which can inadvertently contribute to raised levels of anxiety, anger and depression- too much caffeine raises the heart rate; too many carbohydrates raise your blood sugar levels; a lack of sleep contributes to raised blood pressure and a tendency to seek out fast-fixes such as fatty food on the run, cigarettes, and over the counter remedies to claw back our energy or dampen our emotions. These are also quick ways of saying 'be quiet!' to the signals your body is trying to send you. A lack of mental energy also means we are less likely to have the motivation to do things which we would normally enjoy, and so our self nurturing takes a back seat to a predominately reduced quality of life. Take a few minutes to review your direction in life and make sure you are taking a path which will benefit you- for everything you do, ask yourself if it is going to put you in a better place. Don't forget to spend some quality time doing something you enjoy- this says to yourself "I am deserving". And so you are.